


Unusual Places

by lightningbugqueen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Coronavirus, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Engaged Castiel/Dean Winchester, Fluff, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Quarantine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:54:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28952268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightningbugqueen/pseuds/lightningbugqueen
Summary: Dean is good. He's great, actually! He's dealing with this whole COVID-19 quarantine thing wonderfully. He's happy. Except when he's not.**********************************************Alright, this fic took me a while because it was like my own little personal therapy. Whenever I felt super crappy about coronavirus and quarantine, I wrote more of this. It's got a whole lot of feelings in it, and I hope you enjoy.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 22





	Unusual Places

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy!

“Honey, I’m home!” Dean called out in a singsong voice as he kicked the door closed. 

“Dean,” Cas said in his kind, gravely voice, “You were gone for half an hour. A jog around the neighborhood does not warrant a ‘honey, I’m home,’” he mimicked the mocking phrase. He was in the kitchen, prepping the lunch that Dean planned on cooking. Dean walked through their little hallway and wiped his brow with a cloth as he entered. 

“It should now,” Dean said, smiling and dropping his phone on the table, “That’s the longest I’ve left the apartment in two weeks!” He pecked Cas on the cheek as he chopped onions. “Aw, babe, did you miss me that much?” He wiped tears from Castiel’s face. 

“Get off!” Cas grumped, slapping halfheartedly at Dean’s hand, “You know it was the onions, asshole.”

“Now, now,” Dean chided him, “Is that any way to treat your future husband?” he waggled the ring on his finger. Cas swore he showed it off every five minutes. 

“If he’s being an asshole, then yes, yes it is.” 

“You know you love me,” a teasing grin split his face. 

“I do,” he said, grinning at his fiance’s antics, “It’s truly unfortunate. A lost cause, I’m afraid.”

“Considering you're the one who beat me to getting down on one knee, I’d say so.” Yet another thing Dean took the time to remind him every day. Damn, it was a good thing he loved him.

“Alright, alright,” Cas said, “We’ve established that I love you and you’re an asshole. Now would you go take a shower so I can kiss you properly? You stink.” 

“I’m hurt, my love,” Dean said, a shocked hand rising to his chest, “One would think that if thou loved me as thou has spoken, thou would peckith my piehole with nay a worry for the reek that riseth frometh my pits. Ith.” 

“Again,” Cas said with a flat tone, “Asshole.  _ Shower _ .” He pushed Dean towards the doorway.

“Yeah, yeah, Shower,” the man said, “I’m not that horrible.” He left Cas to the cooking and headed towards the bathroom. What can he say, coronavirus was at least good for brushing up on his old English. And annoying his fiance, but he really did that all the time. 

Sixty minutes later found Cas and Dean silently eating the crepes Dean had made and staring at the computer. On the screen CNN showed Joe Biden and Kamala Harris being sworn into their presidency. 

“This is amazing,” Cas said quietly, “I can’t believe it’s happening. Not just Trump being kicked out, but a woman of color as the vice president. It’s just.... Incredible.”

“It is, Cas,” Dean smiled at him, “It’s the best thing to happen this year. I can’t wait for how they’re both going to help us get out of this.” 

Cas pushed back his empty plate and leaned his head on Dean’s shoulder. 

“Those crepes were delicious, Dean,” he said, smiling up at the man, “I love you.” 

“I love you too, angel. Why don’t we keep this on and finish that horrible puzzle?” They had gotten the puzzle because Sam had said it was one of his favorite quarantine pastimes. However, they soon learned that while puzzles can be calming, they can also be infuriating. For the past week Dean could be found yelling his head off about “Fucking missing edge pieces!” and “The damn lemons all look the same!” Cas spent more time calming his fiance down than he did actually working on the puzzle. 

And that was how they spent the afternoon. An air of contentment and hope surrounded them, stemming from the inauguration and their time together. Dean only called the puzzle a son of a bitch four times, when it was usually over ten. They didn’t actually finish it, but they were closer than yesterday. 

After dinner (Dean ordered pizza) they changed into their pajamas and curled up in bed. They watched some of the performers sing (Dean would never admit how much he loved Katie Perry) and then went to bed.

Well. Cas went to bed. Dean did the thing. You know the thing. Where it’s dark, and quiet, and you’re trapped in your own head with your own thoughts. It’s how you convince yourself that a tornado is just going to sweep through your town and kill you, or that a robber is breaking into the house right this minute. Dean knew the thing well, and generally has strategies to handle it. Today, nothing worked. 

The thoughts just swirled in his head, a whirlwind of worry and fear. “What if nothing gets better?”, “What if Cas dies from coronavirus?”, “What if I never see Sammy again?”, “What if Bobby gets sick?”, “What if those riots come here?”, “What if I lose everything and everyone I love?”

These were accompanied by thoughts of pain and hurt. “This is horrible,” “I haven’t been happy in weeks,” “Cas is going to get tired of me,” “Everyone eventually leaves me,” “I bet everybody is secretly happy that they don’t have to deal with me now. Too bad Cas wasn’t so lucky.” 

The feelings and thoughts and hurt just went on and on and on. That knot of anxiety and depression in his chest swelled, like it was clamping his throat shut so he could barely breathe. Tears began to track their way down his face, and his shoulders jumped with hiccups. 

How did things progress so rapidly? Only ten minutes ago he was secretly fangirling over Katie Perry, wrapped in his angel’s arms. Now, all of a sudden, he felt miles away from the man next to him, swallowed up by that sea of improbable but oh so painful thinking. 

A warm hand rested on his bicep.

“Dean,” Cas said quietly, worry evident in his voice, “What’s wrong, love?” Dean shook his head and flipped over. He buried his despondent face in the crook of fiance’s neck. “Shhh, shhh,” Castiel comforted him, “You’re alright, my dear. I’m right here, you’re okay. You’re safe.” 

Dean had decided long ago that Cas was perfect, but the man proved him right yet again in this moment. He knew Dean. He knew how to care for him, how to help him, how to comfort him, how to love him. Granted, loving Dean Winchester was anything but hard (Not that Dean himself believed that), but he knew how to show that to Dean. He knew the inner working of the man’s mind, and his heart. 

Cas rubbed Dean’s back as his sobs subsided to quiet crying. He didn’t say anything until Dean pulled his head back and bleary green eyes met concerned blue ones. 

“Dean,” Cas whispered, “What’s wrong? You seemed fine all day.”

“I was,” Dean’s voice scratched out of his throat, croaking like only someone’s who has had a really hard and really good cry. “I thought I was completely fine. It was a good day. But… I just… I couldn’t stop thinking about these horrible thoughts about things that could happen to everyone I love and how horrible things are right now and how what if people don’t actually love me and it just hurt so much and I’m sorry I’m dumping all this on you, we can go back to sleep now.” Guilt curled in Dean’s gut for being so dependent on Cas, but the man put a stop to it immediately. 

“Dean Winchester,” he said, “There is nothing to apologize for. I love you more than anything in the world, and I will always be here for you on a bad night.”

“But I shouldn’t be having a bad night,” he cried into Castiel’s chest, “I’m f--fine. Everything is  _ fine _ ! Nobody I love has died, we’re healthy, I shouldn’t be feeling this way. Other peoples lives are so much worse, I sh--shouldn’t wallow about my sucky life where I have enough money to cook us f--fucking crepes and can cuddle my fiance at night!” 

“Dean, you have every right to your feelings,” Cas said firmly, “Just because you don’t have it as bad as other people doesn’t mean your life isn’t hard. If one person breaks a finger and another their leg, do they not both have the right to medical assistance? Dean, it is completely natural and okay for you to feel this way, change does that to everyone. However, I have to ask, did you take your meds this evening?” Dean’s antidepressants and antianxiety medication. The ones that always sat in the same place on their bathroom counter. The ones that he took every morning and every night so he wouldn’t get these horrible thoughts. The ones he forgot to take. 

“Shit,” he said, “I didn’t. How do I-- Should I take them now?”

“In a couple minutes I will get them for you, my love,” Cas said, still holding Dean close to his chest. “But for now, I believe we should stay here. Why don’t we play a game.”

“A game?”

“We can go back and forth and name something good that has happened in the past year.”

“Cas--”

“I know it sounds foolish, love,” Cas said, “But it may be helpful. Humor me?” Dean sighed and nodded. He could never deny Cas anything. “Okay, I will go first. I very much like how much you have been cooking lately.” It was true. What with all their free time, Dean had gotten very adventurous in the kitchen. They both enjoyed it greatly. 

“Um....” Dean said quietly, “I like doing puzzles, even if they suck.” 

“Good,” Cas murmured in his ear, “That’s a good one. I like that we have a new president, and the first female and person of color vice president.” 

“That one’s for me too. I like spending more time with you.” 

“As do I, love. I like watching documentaries and making our own commentary.” The couple would often put on a BBC documentary, mock the narrator, and decide for themselves what the actual information being taught was. 

“I like…” Dean trailed off and was silent for a moment, “Oh, God, Cas, I can’t think of anything! Really? The only good things about this entire year were puzzles and you?” His breath began to speed up again. 

“Hey, hey, Dean,” Cas said calmly, “There are more things. Why don’t I say some for you?” Dean nodded. “Good. You don’t get to see Charlie in person anymore, but you skype with her three times as often. You’re actually talking to her more now than you did before quarantine.” That was true. Dean and Charlie had fun designing a kind of virtual Moondoor, and talked on the phone at least every other day. “Your mom figured out Zoom, so you talk to her more often too. Also, while I love you beautiful stomach, I know you feel self conscious of it. This year you’ve taken more chances to work out, and feel better about your body image than you have in a long time.” That was true. Dean had lost some weight, and while he still kept the pudge Cas adored, his body was more toned now. “And those are just a couple things I can think of off the top of my head, Dean. Good things are still happening, we just have to find them in unusual places.” Unusual places. 

“Today on my run I saw something that made me smile,” he said quietly. Unusual places. 

“What was that, my love?”

“You know the woman across the street who always gave us weird looks? We thought she was homophobic?”

“Yes?” Cas was confused. 

“There was a pride flag hanging from her porch. I asked her about it, and she said that she was jealous of us because we’re so out and proud. She said that being in quarantine and seeing us together helped her come out to her family. She has a girlfriend now.” 

“Oh, that’s wonderful my love!” Cas exclaimed quietly, “That is such a beautiful story. So you see now? Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if only one remembers to turn on the light.”

“Dude,” Dean chuckled, “You just quoted Dumbledore.”

“And you understood it.”

“I guess we are just two really big nerds in love, then.” He smiled, finally. Cas did that to him. 

“I suppose we are. Now, I will go grab your meds. Stay awake long enough to take them, but after that let's get some sleep. Is that okay with you, my dear?” 

“Sure,” Dean yawned, “Sounds good.” He lay his head back on the pillow and watched Cas walk to their bathroom. 

He was right. This whole quarantine-coronavirus thing sucked, but (for them at least) they still found plenty of joy. Even if it was in unusual places. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, if you like it (or cried) leave me a comment/kudos to let me know. <3


End file.
